The psychology of boredom
What it means when our kids say "I'm bored"
We are well into summer now, and this is usually about the time the point in the summer when boredom really starts to set in for kids. Is boredom even a thing anymore in the age of never-ending entertainment, streaming, and video games? I think it still is—based on my experience with my kids right now.
A different understanding of boredom
In recent years, I've begun to think about boredom in a slightly different way. After reading some research from a psychologist who described boredom as a lack of meaning. That really struck me, because I hadn't thought of it that way before. When I think back to my own childhood experience of boredom, that definition resonates with me.
This idea connects well to a lot of psychological research that has come out in recent years about the importance of a sense of purpose. Those two ideas are tied closely together: meaning and purpose. What the research finds is that, not surprisingly, we humans need purpose. Some of the most interesting research in this area looks at teens. Teens who have a sense of purpose tend to do better in all areas of life— academically, mentally, and in terms of happiness.
When our kids say that we're bored, they're looking for some meaning or purpose.
I think it is something for us to consider as parents. Granted, when you think about a four or five-year-old, they don't have some grand sense of meaning or purpose at that age. They often just live in the moment. But even at this age, I think kids have a sense of doing something meaningful and just doing something that is frivolous.
Little ways to find meaning
I think about this when my own kids were at these younger ages, meaning or purpose can come in very everyday ways. Meaning might come from finding a new bug that they’ve never seen before or from learning a new skill. That's what a lot of this age is all about—learning that you can make your sandwich, learning that you can organize your toys in a way that means something to you. From our perspective, those things don't seem very meaningful, but even these little things can bring meaning and purpose.
As kids get older, I think meaning and purpose look more like what we think of as adults. I know that for my tween and teen boys, the struggle with summer is a lack of meaning and purpose, because they don't have a lot of structure. They can do some jobs, but they’re not old enough to do just any job. You see the difference when there is something purposeful for them to do. For instance, my 12-year-old just got a job walking a neighbor's dog a couple of times a week. Just this simple action has given some purpose to his day—he has to wake up at a certain time and get to their house before it gets too hot outside. He feels proud about it. He feels encouraged that he can do something to contribute, even in a little way.
The difference between entertainment and purposeful activity
When we think about boredom in conventional terms, often the answer is entertainment. We see all these ideas on Pinterest and blogs about ways to keep your kids occupied during the summer or ways to keep them entertained. There's a place for that, of course, but I think if we look just a bit deeper, we would see there's a big difference between being entertained and finding something purposeful or meaningful to do.
There's nothing wrong with entertainment, but I think we've all had the experience of realizing there are only so many videos we can watch or video games to play before it feels useless. It's helpful to think about the idea that our kids don't just need to be entertained all the time. They need to find something purposeful to do.
I created a list of questions that might be helpful to direct kids in this direction, instead of just giving them another toy or another video game. What if we could dig just a little deeper and look at what is missing that could be filled in a different way? I hope these questions are helpful for your family. If you’d like a printable version, click the image to download a PDF.
Another idea to consider for older kids is helping them find ways to get engaged in the community. In our area, there are local organizations, rec centers, and charities that are offering tweens and teens ways to get involved in the community, especially during the summer.
There is a program at the rec center where they can go volunteer at local organizations for a few hours during the summer each week. There is also a program at the local library where tweens and teens can help younger children with learning to read or write. Some programs in our area allow teens to volunteer at local animal shelters by taking dogs for walks or cleaning their crates. These are purposeful ways that kids can get involved in the community. I think this can be a different approach to looking at how to solve the issue of boredom. It can open a lot of doors for our kids and give them more purpose and meaning in these days that are long and lack structure.
I’ve spent the last few days trying to make sense of the horrific tragedy that happened in Texas over the holiday weekend. Something so devastating rocks us to the core. As some of you may know, I’m originally from Texas, having spent my entire childhood there as well as much of my early adulthood. The places that flooded hold dear memories to me—I’ve played in those rivers and visited those hill country towns. The affected families are in my thoughts and prayers daily.
If you, too, are looking for ways to help the victims, here are several organizations on the ground helping:
Kerr County Relief Fund
Red Cross of Central and South Texas
In discussing meaning and purpose this week, it also brings to mind this tragedy. During these times, research suggests finding ways to help and act purposefully can help us cope with the emotions we’re all experiencing. If your children are old enough to understand the tragedy and want to help, I’ve seen that some children are holding lemonade stands to raise money for victims. Yes, it’s a small action, but it offers a meaningful way for kids to help.